Dear Dr. Janie,
I’m 68 years young and have been widowed for three years after spending 42 wonderful years with my husband. While I have a fulfilling job, hobbies, and the joy of grandchildren nearby, there are still times when the house feels a little too quiet. After getting used to life on my own, I’ve realized I’m ready to dip my toe back into the world of dating. But let’s just say, the last time I was dating, the Beatles were still touring. Now I’m hearing about all these dating apps and websites, and it’s making me feel like I’m trying to learn a foreign language! I’ve heard there are scammers out there, and I don’t want to end up on the wrong end of one of those stories. What advice do you have for someone in my shoes to stay safe while exploring this brave new world of online dating?
Ready to Find Love Again
Dear Ready to Find Love Again,
First of all, let me commend you for even considering stepping back into the dating world! After
a 42-year marriage, that’s no small decision. So, whether you’re feeling like a nervous teenager
all over again or just dusting off your social dance shoes, take comfort in knowing that many
others are going through the same thing. Welcome to the “second act” of dating! Now let’s get to
the nitty-gritty. Online dating has opened up a whole new way of meeting people, and while it’s
not the same as bumping into someone at a neighborhood BBQ, it can be a lot of fun—you just
need to take the right steps as precautions.
1. Pick the Right Dance Floor (or Website). Not all dating sites are created equal. Some
cater specifically to seniors, while others focus on specific interests—whether it’s faith,
hobbies, or even farming! Take a little time to research which site feels like the right fit
for you. Avoid free sites—they’re often filled with people who aren’t there for the right
reasons and these websites typically hit you with membership costs down the road so you
can see your matches. The National Council on Aging reviewed the best dating websites for seniors and their top choices were Eharmony, SeniorMatch, SilverSingles and Match.
2. Get a Separate Phone Number. Remember how people used to list their numbers in a
phone book. Well, this isn’t the 80s, and these days your privacy is golden. Set up a
separate phone number (Google Voice is great for this) for your online dating contacts. Here’s a How-To link to set up Google Voice - here.
This way, if someone turns out as less a Prince Charming and more a “let me borrow
money,” you can keep your personal info safe.
3. Check their Photo. No need to hire a detective, but a quick reverse image search can
work wonders. If their profile photo is too handsome—think a photo out of a magazine,
or worse, looks like someone on a soap opera in the 70s—run their photo through Google
Image. If they show up in multiple places with different names, they’re likely interested in your wallet more than your company.
4. Keep Things on the Dating Site. If your match wants to move the conversation off the
dating site and onto WhatsApp or another app right away, be cautious. Scammers love
WhatsApp and it’s where they like to operate.
5. Video Chat: The New Handshake. Back in the day, a firm handshake could tell you a
lot about a person. These days, it’s all about Facetime or Zoom. If your online suitor
refuses to chat on video, consider that a big red flag—regardless of any convincing
excuses why they can’t talk to you live.
6. The Money Trap. If you’re asked for money (even if they’ve painted a tear-jerking story
worthy of a Hallmark movie), close your wallet. You wouldn’t hand over $1,000 to a
stranger in the grocery store, so don’t do it for an online Romeo (or Juliet) either. A request for
money is a neon sign screaming Scam.
7. Meet in a Public Place. If you’ve made it past the chats and video calls and you’re ready
to meet in person, make sure it’s in a public place. A cozy coffee shop is perfect. And tell
a friend where you’re going—better yet, have them call or text you halfway through the
date with a “check-in” plan.
8. If it Sounds too Good to Be True…It Probably Is. When in doubt, tell someone you know about your online dating experiences and your budding romance. If something doesn’t feel right, your talk with a trusted friend and their reaction can be a gut check for you.
Remember, this should be fun! Yes, it’s a bit like learning a new dance move—there might be a
misstep here and there—but if you go into it with a sense of humor and an open heart, you’ll find
that dating at this stage of life can be a truly wonderful experience. At the very least, you’ll get
some good stories out of it, maybe even some new friends, and who knows, you just might find
that special someone to share life’s next chapter with.
Enjoy your journey—romance is exciting at any age!
Dr. Janie
(Featured Image: Pexels)
Disclaimer: The advice provided in this column is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of a licensed medical professional for any health-related concerns or questions.
Comments